there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
