I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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