hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
