Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
