her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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