So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
