No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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