I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
