just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
