Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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