FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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