You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
