you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
