sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
