you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
