This girl is more easily done than said...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
