Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This toilet bowl is my home.
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