i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You are the jesus of drinking
Omg I joined a choir last night...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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