Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
