she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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