forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
