i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
