This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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