With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
