If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
