On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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