Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize