I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
