Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
