Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
