we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
from now on my penis is your penis
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
