I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
