Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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