i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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