my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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