508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
