just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
