sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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