So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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