call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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