Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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