I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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