Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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