Christians are straight up FREAKS
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
