you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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