under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
