listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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