is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
