I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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