Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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