we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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