remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
